tarod45 | What I forgot to say was...

So, after watching the final scene of 5x03 about eighty bajillion times, I remembered what I meant to say before. Actually, I remembered after the first time I rewatched it, but I felt that it was necessary to watch it another seventy-nine bajillion and some odd number times more before saying anything.

It's kinda about Sam and Jess, but mostly about Sam and Lucifer.

It's just... the love we see between Sam and Jess, the tenderness. The intimate kisses, the caresses, the leaning into the caresses. My heart broke for both of them all over again.

And then, it turns out that Jess was Lucifer the whole time. I've seen some people theorize that Jess was actually Sam's dream, and it got hijacked by Lucifer, but I'm leaning more towards the whole thing being Lucy, in much the same way that Nick's wife was always Lucy. And how... interesting is it, that all that tenderness that we see is as much between Sam and Lucifer as it is Sam and Jess. It really kinda pulled at my heart when Jess dissolved into Lucifer, and he still had that soft, gentle expression, was still sitting so intimately close, still had his had reassuringly on Sam's shoulder. Now, part of my excitement is the slasher in me, already demanding (demanding! This is a demand!) the Sam/Lucifer ficcage that I truly, deeply hope is coming. Soon. Like: now. Please?

Part of it, though, was watching Sam's face during his conversation with Lucifer. The way it went from scared to defiant to freakin' terrified to almost broken in just the course of that one short scene. It was a blow to my heart, watching Sam's triumphant defiance as he told Lucifer that he'd never say yes, that he'd kill himself first, just disappear, as though he'd been slapped, when Lucifer told him that he'd just bring him back. I felt a lump in my throat, watching Sam's eyes tear up as Lucifer told him, in no uncertain terms, that while Lucy will never lie to Sam, never trick him, Sam will say yes, anyway. That despite all of Sam's will, and stubbornness, and good intentions, he'll give in, anyway. And then, oh, god, Sam's "Why me?!" I swear, I will never, ever get tired of listening to demons say in that soft, soft voice that "It had to be you, Sam. It always had to be you."

Oh, god, Sammy!

Please to be giving me Sam/Lucifer fic to heal my broken heart!!