This is why I don't waste my money on those lovely leather journals that you see everywhere: I get started, and I do well enough with writing for a while, then I start to taper off until it just sits there abandoned for evermore.
So, lately, I've spent a fair amount of time over at the spnpermanon
Big Bang posts. Not too much time, since, though I've been pleasantly surprised at how civilized the whole thing has been, it's still annoyingly bitchy at times. Anyway, while there, I've seen the nonnies moaning about the lack of decent Sam/Dean porning. I actually think they're pretty justified in their complaints: there really hasn't been much. Most of the Wincest that's been posted has been badly written, unremittingly bleak, or almost completely lacking in sex. I absolutely see where people are coming from. I'm just a bit startled at myself that I don't really care.
Well. I mean, I could do without the badfic, but that's always the case, and I'm philosophical about it. Sturgeon's Law applies to Big Bang like most things, and you just have to accept the 90 pieces of crap along with the 10 pieces of awesomeness. And really, when you put it like that, the ratio of good to bad is actually not that bad. I'll also admit that it wouldn't have hurt my feelings if the authors had felt like writing slightly more cheerful stories this year. But I can even understand that: Supernatural hasn't exactly been a particularly cheerful show lately, and I can see where authors would be inspired to write fairly depressing stories. And I like a good bittersweet ending from time to time, so it's all good. Even if my "from time to time" has gotten a bit compressed lately.
What surprises me is how not-upset I am over the tepidness of the Sam/Dean. It's not like after S4. I'm not bitter. I feel more honest affection for both Sam and Dean than I have since I started watching the show. I still love Sam/Dean. I haven't jumped ship for another pairing: I'm extremely fond of Sam/Jess, Sam/Ruby, and Sam/Castiel, but wincest is still the pairing that rules them all. But. I dunno. When the fics lately just stop short of getting into sex or the nitty of the boys' romance, I don't feel like I'm missing anything.
I've noticed this since the finale. I think I read practically every 5.22 coda that was written -- and that was a hell of a lot of codas, let me tell you. And of those, the only ones that jumped out at me as being hard to buy were the wincest. Whether it was gen or Dean/Lisa, I found I just didn't want the boys falling into bed after Sam got back. I'm not entirely sure why. And since May, this has been slowly spreading to other fic. Again, it's not that I don't like wincest anymore. I've just started feeling like a romantic/sexual relationship sort of gets a little bit in the way of the boys' actual relationship. I still want them to be the center of each other's universe, but the sex has started to feel tacked on. The authors who have just hinted at a romantic relationship, or who just lightly touch on the emotional aspect -- those I find satisfying, and rather soothing.
I dunno. I think it's just that a huge part of the finale was Sam and Dean finally letting each other go. A sexual relationship between them is a sign of the overly involved, desperately unhappy and unhealthy codependence that they've finally managed to (tentatively) move past. Having them become involved post-S5 seems like an enormous step backwards in the progression of their relationship.
Or perhaps I'm projecting. I am so firmly off
the whole dating wagon that I can barely conceive of anyone actually wanting to become involved in a sexual relationship. Maybe that's it. I haven't been been reading almost any J2 lately either, after all.
Anyway. Whatever the reason, the lighter-than-usual wincest and the slightly higher-than-average quality of the gen this Big Bang is actually pleasing me a lot more that I would have thought.